Forgiven
by T.A. Medley
Summary: Chapter Four is finally here. It has to deal with the POV's of the senshi about how Usagi is doing. And something kinda scary happens to Usagi at the end. Anyway, please read nad review. P.S. Dark fic.
1. Forgiven

Forgiven

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Author: T.A. Medley

Genre: Romance/Drama

Rating: PG

A/N: Read! And Please **Review!**

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I won't forget what he said before I left. It's probable that those words would ring in my ear for all eternity. It was inevitable that they would haunt me in my dreams at night. It was amazing how they all felt the same way. Amazing how can people can turn on you after declaring their undying love and adoration for you just that previous day. It is amazing how people can change.

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Flashback

"Hand it over Usagi!" Rei bellowed fury in her eyes.

"What? Why?" I stammered. They had sat me down after an unsuccessful battle against a youma. They all stared at me with eyes full of anger and possibly pain, all the while Mamoru was holding Chibi Usa and looking out the window as if they were unaware of the events unfolding behind them.

"Because Usagi, it's apparent that you cannot handle the responsibility of being the leader!" Makoto yelled.

I looked around at them, each of their eyes were piercing my heart like sharp knives. I didn't know what to say or do. I tried to hold back the tears. I tried, for once in miserable life to be stronger than them; again, I failed, as one single, solitary tear trickled silently down my red cheeks. I wiped it away as quickly as possible.

For minutes, they sat there staring at me in anticipation, waiting for me to hand over the crystal; my crystal. 

I looked around and did the only thing that might help…

"Mamoru, Mamoru please don't let them take it from me," I cried, my voice breaking as I waited for a response. 'Please,' I thought, 'please say something, a whimper, a groan, but please don't shut me out.'

"Why, Usagi?" he asked coldly, "They are all right. I know it and you know it too. I love you Usagi, but I hate the things you do. You talk all this stuff but you never get the job done. You are always late and goofing around. You are sixteen but you still act like you are ten. When will grow up and realize you have responsibilities? You're a crybaby, a klutz, and you don't pay attention to good advice. If you listened half as much as you talked, then you wouldn't be in this predicament!"

I did not believe it. Just days ago they were telling me how much I had grown, although just days ago they yelled at me for the exact same thing.

"Mamoru? Ami, Minako!? Rei, Makoto!?!? Chibi Usa!" I cried hoping that one of them would come to my side.

"No Usa-chan, Mamo-chan is right! You do not deserve to be the leader. Daddy used to tell me about the heroic soldier Sailor Moon. I loved that Sailor Moon! I wanted to be just like her! But when I finally got know her, she wasn't the person I thought she was. You're not the person I thought you were! You don't deserve to be moon princess, moon soldier, moon anything! Why can't you just grow up!" she yelled, her eyes ablaze with fury.

I couldn't take it. Their stares, their hurtful words. I raised my hands to my chest and removed the brooch. My hands were shaking so violently that I could barely get it off. I threw it on the table. Just as Rei opened her mouth to say something, I was gone before she could let it out.

I ran. I ran until my legs collapsed; until my body ached and my head spun. I was feet away from my home, but I felt as though I couldn't make it. So, I sat there. I did not cry. I did not think or move. I just stared at the hard, concrete ground that had scraped my knees as though it mesmerized me. I thought of nothing, I freed my mind. I was in a place of no time, no objects, just matter. A place where I could be alone. A place in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind; here I had never journeyed before. I was alone.

And that is exactly where I wanted to be.

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Flashback Ends

Somehow, I made it up to my room. I was lying in the bed, tucked neatly under the covers. My eyes could barely open, and my ached greatly. However, regardless of how I felt, I pushed my self up and got out of bed. I staggered to the bathroom and ran myself some water. I emerged by entire body in the hot, steaming water and let the power of the H20 heal my aches and pains. I let my head go under, as I held my breath for long periods of time as though I was a fish, extracting oxygen form the water.

Luckily, it was Friday. It were any other day and I had to go school the next day, I would probably pass out on my daily rush there from emotional and physical exhaustion. 

I did not realize how late it was, or how long I had been in there, until my mother began to bang in the door. I didn't respond though, for my energy had deteriorated greatly. After she knocked again, and the worry in her voice became apparent to me, I managed, for her sake to moan loudly. 

Time passed on as I sat there, thinking of nothing. I didn't dare reminisce in the past events of today. I put the pain away. The way I always did. I put it away in some unexplored corner of my mind, the way I did when my problems became too much to bear.

Finally around 9 p.m., I managed to remove myself from the addicting wound healing powers of a good bath, put my pajamas on, and slept, amazingly without thought or need of nourishment. I just slept unaware and uncaring of the events tomorrow might bring.

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What do you think? **Please Review.**

How is Usagi going to handle things?

Will she be able to handle it at all?

Or will her world slowly begin to deteriorate even more than it already has?

All these question and more answered in the next chapter coming soon:

Chapter 2: Realization


	2. Realization

Forgiven

Chapter 2: Realization

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Genre: Romance/Drama

Rating: PG

A/N: Thanx for all your reviews.

Author: T.A. Medley

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The sun emerged into my room chasing the darkness away in a matter if seconds. I rolled over on my side to look outside, at the cheerful sun beginning to rise in the pink and orange sky above me. If only the sun could brighten my heart and drive away my darkness the way it drives away the earth's darkness. 

My body still ached from last night and the scrapes on my knees burned intensely. Not only did my body ache from physical pain and stress, but my heart ached as well. Not the kind of heartache you get from eating to much chili or too many refried beans, but the kind you get from the ever-present feeling of betrayal. Yes, I felt betrayed. By the people who illegedly cared for me the most. I felt alone. I felt unwanted. The way a stuffed animal owned sense infancy feels when discarded after the owner hits adolescence. I wanted cry. I wanted to let it all flow; and endless river of tears from eyes. However, I would not let myself for I feared that if I started-- I would never stop.

Finally, after minutes of laying there, enveloped in my depressing thoughts, I arose from my bed and slothfully walked to the bathroom. As I made my way there, my eyes fell onto a picture that was taken a year ago. It was of Mamoru and I at the carnival. I never thought at that moment that something like this would ever happen.

We were at the carnival together. Just him and I. It was usually Mamoru, Usagi, and Chibi Usa. Finally, it was just us. Things had been rough. Come to think of it, the past two years have been rough. Chibi Usa was still here as was more possesive of Mamoru than ever. We were fighting youma's daily sometimes even twice a day. My jealousy over Chibi Usa got to an extreme and I began canceling dates with Mamoru. I knew it hurt him. Or at least I think I did. But I was tired of sharing him with her. He was mine first, daughter or not, and sometimes I need just as much attention as her, maybe more. Anyway, we were at the carnival hand in hand, with a large, white bunny, tucked under my arm, that Mamo-chan (he was Mamo-chan then, at this very moment I could care less what to call him, he could be whatever he wanted) won for me. In the middle of the carnival was a man on his knees, proposing to a young woman. It was a picturesque scene, because the wind billowed and the moonlight bathed them as he held out a glimmering diamond ring. I smiled, wishing one day it would be me. Mamoru, knowing my thoughts, whispered one day, it would be. 

It doesn't seem like it now, does it?

That day, that picture was stuck in my mind. It stuck to me like a case of bad static cling. As I sat in the tub I thought of everything Mamoru and I had been through together. 

Then realization hit me.

He never once told me he loved me. Not once.

_That's because he doesn't._

"What? Who said that?" I asked sitting there, my eyes wondering worriedly.

Silence.

_He never said he loves you because he doesn't._

"Who said that?" I stuttered. The aroma from bath oil was obviously getting to my head because now I was hearing things.

_He never said he loves you because he doesn't._

"That isn't true," I whispererd.

_Why would he? You're not half as smart as Ami, as strong as Makoto, as graceful as Minako, or as beautiful as Rei. Your nobody._

"That isn't true!" I screamed. 

At that moment my brain began to hurt. My right temple began to throb and my ears became hot and red. I had no idea who I was talking to. Was it my subconsious or something else? Regardless of what it was, it was upsetting me. Upsetting me in a way that had never made me feel this way.

_They are right, you are a cry baby, a klutz, and just an idiot. You were waste of energy and time when you were created. For all you know, Mamoru could be running around with your best friend at this very moment, while you being the "odango-atma" that you are, is sitting here on your butt, pouting!_

"No, no, no, no--" I repeated.

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Please, you can't shut me up! This is you talking. This is the way you feel every time you put the pain and anger away. You don't deserve half of what you have and that is why you're losing it all!

"NO!" I sceamed. At that moment my body felt like it was on fire. My eyes rolled in the back of my head, as my body began to twitch uncontrollably. Something thick and warm trickled from my mouth and I was taking over by agony coming from my head as a liquid came from my ears as well. All I heard in the background was shattering. 

The world became black and finally…

Faded away.

Finally, after being awaken by pounds on the door, I opened my eyes to realize that the mirror and windows had shattered.

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What do you think?

Weird and short, huh?

Well tell me! But, uh, please no flames.

Who was Usa talking to?

What happened with her and the mirror? 

These questions and many more will be answered in the next chapter:

Chapter 3: Blackout


	3. Blackout

Forgiven: Part 3

Forgiven: Part 3

Blackout

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Author: T.A. Medley ([tyice15@yahoo.com][1]_)_

Category: Anime-Sailor Moon

Genre: Romance/Mystery/Drama

Rating: PG (dark fic)

AN: Thanks for the reviews from the fifteen that cared enough to review. I really appreciate it!

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I sat there, my mind spinning, my body ablaze, my nerves shot, fear and apprehension running through my veins. A cold wind blew from outside; there was no glass in the window to prevent it from entering the misty bathroom. Knocks were heard from the opposite side of the door, but they were ignored. How could I explain what happened to them if I couldn't explain it to myself? 

I looked around and surveyed the damage that had been done. Shattered glass was all over the floor. Toiletries were scattered around the countertop. Blood was floating in the bathtub with me. I grabbed a broken peace of glass that rested upon the cold, white marble floor. As I looked at myself, I saw a person that I had never seen before. I saw a grief stricken child, given responsibilities that she was unable to handle. I saw blood and scars; scars from my stolen childhood, blood for lost battles. I was no longer the giddy child who could find a horrible situation and make the best of it. I was alone and scared. I was battered and abused. I laid my head backwards and let the water cleanse my wounds, hoping that when I came up all would be better the way the victims of leprosy arose from the Jordan river, cured and clean. 

Alas, my hopes we shattered. I came up worse than I felt before. Now the bloody water was in my hair and on my face. Then I asked myself, where could the blood have come from? Again I picked up the broken mirror piece and looked once more. I saw blood all over my face. My eyes were red and my face was pale. I literally looked like I had been run over by a truck. It was apparent that the blood had originated from my mouth, for wet traces could still be tasted upon my lips. The blood also came from my ears. I touched them and they stung greatly. What happened to me? I didn't understand. Was my sadness so great that it caused a supernatural outburst to occur? Was my bottled up anger and grief finally unleashed upon the elements of the bathroom? Too many questions and no answers at all.

By now my mother and Father were screaming and pounding on the door. I slowly rose and turned on the shower to rinse the contents of blood from my hair. I had to look presentable before my parents so that the lie I was contemplating would at least satisfy their curiosity a bit.

I wrapped the robe around myself and tied it tightly; its warmth providing me with sudden security. I opened the door to find my parents standing there, open-mouthed and misty-eyed. 

"Kami, what happened Usagi?" my mother asked enveloping me in her arms. "Are you okay?"

"Hai, mama. Gomen nassai, I fell over the tub and ran into the mirror and the window." Great lie I thought. They are really going to believe that.

"It's okay, Usa-chan. We're just glad you're okay," my Father said compassionately, grabbing his little girl and holding me in his arms.

"Yeah, Usagi would find away to break the mirror and window at the same time. I wouldn't expect less from an 'odango-atma'," my little brother snickered. 

Immediately my mom shot him a piercing look and he sauntered out the room.

"Sweetheart, are you sure you're okay?" my mother asked, her voice full of worry.

"Hai, mama. I just want to lie down."

With that, and a worried glance, they left and closed the door behind them. I waited until they left and I laid down in my bed. I smothered my head in my pillow and cried myself to sleep for the second time.

***

Three days had passed since the incident in the bathroom and it had not been discussed since the day it happened. I hadn't seen Mamoru, Rei, Ami, or the rest of the Scooby gang since the Friday when all this madness started. I was glad, as far as I was concerned; it was no big deal if I never saw them again. 

I hadn't been to school since Friday either. I hadn't eaten since Friday and had been suffering from headaches so I was excused from school. For those three days, Chibi Usa had been ignoring me, although when I was in the company of her and the family she would make it her business to let me know what she and Mamoru did together that day.

On Wednesday night, we all sat at the dinner table together. My mother was practically nagging me about eating. I figured I would take a bite then complain of a stomachache and excuse myself. I knew food was a necessity but I looked at it as a chore. Funny though, food used to be my favorite subject. 

"How's the chicken?" my mother asked from across the table.

"Looks great," I responded solemnly.

"Well, stupid, food is for eating not for looking at," Sammy said curtly.

I ignored his comment, although he and Chibi Usa found it the funniest thing that was ever said in the history of funny lines. I looked at the both of them, I suppose they thought it was menacing, because when I did they stopped immediately and became extremely interested with what was in their plates.

I didn't touch my food as we sat there in silence. And finally, when something was said, it wasn't what I expected…

"Usagi, are you on drugs?" my mother asked. At that moment, all heads were turned in my direction, as my head shot up faster than a speeding bullet.

"What?" I stammered. "Why would you even think that?" Of all things, she would assume that I was on drugs? Talk about trust.

"Well, honey you have to put yourself in my situation. You haven't eaten, you're white as a sheet, you don't run around the house bubbly anymore. Not to mention that you're losing weight and you haven't talked to your friends or Mamoru for days."

Okay maybe I was doing all those things, but drugs shouldn't be an option. "Mother please, gomen nassai, but I have been under a lot of stress lately and… and…" I stammered. At that moment tears began to stream from my eyes as I tried to defend my case…"Things have been really hard lately…it's too much… I can't do it anymore…I-I… I can't handle this…" I whispered as I ran to my room and slammed the door behind me. 

I grabbed hold of my pillow and held it to my racing heart. I began to shake violently; I couldn't catch my breath. I was feeling the same way I was feeling the day _it_ happened. I sat there and I cried my eyes out. I suppose lack of an adequate amount of rest and food had finally gotten the best of because the minute I closed my eyes for a second… 

I blacked out…

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Dictionary:

Gomen nassai- I'm really sorry.

Hai- yes

Ney- no

****

What do u think?

Please review but no flames please.

P.S. Stay alert for chapter 4

"A Bottle of Emotions"

   [1]: mailto:tyice15@yahoo.com



	4. Bottle Of Emotions

Bottle of Emotions ****

Bottle of Emotions

Author: T.A. Medley

Category: Anime: Sailor Moon

Rating: PG

Genre: Drama

A/N: Okay, I know I haven't posted in a while, but hey it's not easy posting when fanfiction.net is not up and running correctly. Anyway, hope u like chapter four and I promise I'll try and stay focused next time. Please **review**… oh yeah… I don't own Sailor Moon, blah, blah, blah…

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I lay there in my bed, with the sheet covering my forehead, listening to the sounds that the morning brought. As the birds sung their songs that awoke the world I could here Chibi Usa running up and down the halls getting dressed for another day of school, Ikuko hurrying my annoying brother and my Father asking where his new tie could be located. Just another busy morning in the Tsukino home. I stirred slightly. Trying to find enough resignation to rise and ready myself for school. When I found none, I decided to roll of the bed and slither to my closet where I school uniform lived, no doubt, collecting dust. I performed my daily routine of washing, combing, dressing as I thought while performing my actions, "It must be the crystal". The crystal made be so hungry, yet without it I haven't an appetite at all. And depression should not make my body fill like I'm dragging along an overweight person, instead of a skinny sixteen-year-old girl. As I sauntered to my vanity to find a hair ribbon, I noticed a picture of the senshi, myself, and Mamoru. Inwardly I wondered how they felt about the current position they bestowed upon me and in return, bestowed upon themselves…

* Rei *

It wasn't easy. It seemed like I was some sort or tyrant, a drill sergeant, or an abusive police officer yelling at Usagi as though she was some kind of common criminal. She made a mistake, I know that, but at that time, in my mind, it was not the moment for rationale thinking. Being rational, is not one of my strong points. Don't get me wrong, its not that I don't think Usagi doesn't need some sort of discipline in her life, it's just, I shouldn't have been the one to give it to her. It wasn't my place. But I'm known for being out of line, and letting my mouth get the best of me, most of the time causing more trouble than good. Maybe I need someone grilling me about my mistakes. 

None of us know how Usagi is, we haven't seen her in a week and then some, and Chibi Usa, well she won't really open up. All we know that the crystal is fading, which Ami says expresses Usagi's well being. Which in a more simple term means she is not handling her disposition too well. Partly I blame myself, mostly, almost fully. However, I do blame Usagi. Why can't she be more responsible? Why can't she be more like… me? 

I wish I could turn back time, to at least give Usagi a chance to explain herself. That's what we all need sometimes, a second chance. I watch the other senshi at our study sessions. We don't talk or laugh half as much as we used to. In fact, we barely laugh at all. Makoto brings food, and has plenty to take home. Usagi isn't there to suck it down, and in doing so making us laugh. She could always make us laugh, even when we were down. She was and is a great friend. I'm a little late realizing that now though. It's amazing how you can take something for granted, and then miss it more than anything when it's gone. Usagi's a great friend, one of the best friends I have ever had. I guess I just took too long to realize it…

* Ami *

Usagi is weak. She is getting weaker by the day. I can tell, the shine and exuberance of the crystal fades a little more every day. When it shine and light is completely gone, will that mean Usagi will be as well. I haven't told the others the seriousness of this situation. I don't think they understand how _fatal _to Usagi this can be. Do they understand that Usagi and the crystal are one? Without it will her life force, her energy be in jeopardy? 

Rei was so hard on her. But I can't completely blame Rei. We agreed with her and even backed her up. We all did. Even me. So if Usagi does… die… than her death will be on my head forever, and I'll see myself as the girl that killed her best friend. 

The scouts and I are all dying to know how she is. She hasn't been to school for more than a week. Usagi doesn't pay attention at school, but she at least comes. She barely ever misses a day. Is she sick, is what I assume happening at this very moment? After our study period, I pull Chibi Usa to the side and ask her how Usagi is doing. I notice the nervousness in her eyes, when she casts them down, and fidgets with the bow on her dress, and says "fine" or "okay, I guess". We're all dying with her, not physically, but emotionally. Our guilt is tearing us apart. Slowly and painfully as our hearts our ripped in two. If Usagi only knew, and I wish so much that she did. If she only knew that for our mistakes, we are suffering with her…

* Makoto *

I deserted her, probably when she needed me the most. I was her protector. I could protector form evil demons, monsters, and anything else this universe threw at her, but I could not protect her from her own friends. I could not protect her from me. She was so nice to me the first day I moved here, to Tokyo. She was the only person who was more than cordial to me after hearing of my reputation. We were on her case so much. But which one of us is the Messiah? Which one of us is so weak from trying to save the world that we could barely stand on our own? Who has the responsibility of knowing that she was a princess and will one day be a queen, a mother, a wife and who now has to struggle with being a daughter, a girlfriend, a sister, a friend, a mother, and a savior. Being funny and melodramatic is not Usagi's true nature; at least I don't think so. I've seen her so brave, so courageous, not afraid of anything, not even death. I believe she covers up for her insecurities. For her fears of the past, the present, and the future.

I would give anything to take her pain. I can tell she is in pain by how sad Chibi Usa is. She tries to hide it, by making jokes about Usagi, but I can tell, and so can the other scouts. I wish I could just see her, to tell her we're sorry and that we want her back, no, that we need her to return to us. All of us. I miss the way she laughed even when we made fun of her, and the way her eyes sparkled when I brought in food. I miss the aura of her presence. The presence of … happiness? Love? Joy? I cannot say I experience that a lot. Being in solitude, I get lonely. But the loneliness seems to disappear when I see her walk into a room with a huge smile. I didn't think I'd ever miss seeing a smile as much as I miss seeing hers…

* Minako *

I remember when I first met the scouts. They were so skeptical of me. I could tell. But Usagi she welcomed me with open arms. And ever since then, she was there for me. She didn't even have to say anything. She would touch my arm and I know she cared. But Usagi, despite all her downfalls is thoughtful, and gentle and kind, and good-natured. And I would hate to think that it took a minute to destroy sixteen years of kindness that she graced everyone with that she met.

I admit that day I was mad. Usagi was late to the Youma battle, and we all got hurt, but one thing I learned from this, is never confront somebody when you're angry. Nothing good comes from anger, just hate. And truthfully, I wouldn't be surprised if Usagi hated all of us. I hate myself right now for what we did to her. I hate the way I feel whenever I see a picture of her or hear her voice on a videotape. I feel as though this could be one of the biggest regrets of my life. Rei says something is coming, some kind of power that could wipe us out even if Usagi was still on our side. Rei says she doesn't know where its coming from, but its forming, slowly, but not slow enough that we can find some way to stop it. I can't shake the feeling that this has something to do with all of us being divided. Divided we stand, divided we'll fall. 

Right now, I don't like myself, but I'm going right things with Usagi and then, I'm going to…

* Chibi Usa *

Usagi, mother, I'm scared for her. Mamoru says she'll be fine. That she'll get over it. But it's been weeks and she still hasn't. She goes to school now. She gets to school late on purpose so she won't have to eat with us. Or so Ikuko-mama won't ask her why she doesn't call Mamoru or why she doesn't talk to her friends. Or why she looks so sick. I want to tell the senshi that Usa-chan looks like she's dying. I want to tell them about what happened to her in the bathroom. I know she was lying, I know she's sick, I know I miss her. Although she was mean and selfish sometimes, she's my mother, and I love her. I can tell Mamoru doesn't believe half of the things he says. He looks worse very day. He doesn't even come to study sessions anymore. He says he's busy, but I know the senshi and their downcast expressions make him think about Usagi and how he… betrayed her. How we all betrayed her. But he feels it's his fault. He loves her more than anything. More than his own life. I can tell he misses her. The way we all miss her. She won't even look at me. I think she's ashamed. 

I went into her bedroom a few nights ago. I touched her pillow it was wet. Soaked in tears. I looked at her face. Her eyes were puffy and her cheeks red. She crouched into a fetal position, her pajamas falling off her miniscule body. She was so skinny; even I could break her. Forgiveness is a futile thing, but I hope she will forgive us…

* Mamoru *

I can't lie to Chibi Usa anymore. I miss her so much. I can't even concentrate in class anymore and it's like living is a chore. Chibi Usa says she's doing horribly. I can't blame her. Her friends and the one person that is supposed to love her more than anything cast her aside like a filthy rag. She made a mistake, big freakin' deal. We all do, and a friend is some who looks past that and loves the person regardless of their downfalls.

I miss her smile, her laugh, the sparkle in her eye, her soft skin, the scent of strawberries in her hair, but mostly her voice. I miss her whispering into my ear when she'll surprise me afterschool, or the soft sound of the voice of a woman when we would sit and talk about anything and everything. Chibi Usa says she misses us and that she's sick, that she's missed school. So much is happening, an evil is appearing. Rei can sense and Ami can track its strength. It's going to overwhelm us Ami says. I thought our love could stop it. But how much do I really love her when I didn't even take her feelings into consideration on that stupid day that my perfect world was turned upside down.

It's getting harder to sleep and I can barely eat without thinking I see her face outside of a restraunt window or think that I hear talking behind me and turning around and seeing nothing there. I wish Setsuna were, to give us another chance to right wrongs and be the way we were. So much in love.

* Usagi *

I can't help but think they are happy. I hope they are, considering I'm not I hope they are proud of themselves, and I hope Rei is happy, she'll finally get to be the leader.. They want me to grow up, fine. I don't need them to watch my back," Usagi thought while walking toward the mirror that hung on the wall beside her bed. However, when she looked at it a face in the mirror was staring back. A face that was not her own.

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